The fawn trauma response is a survival strategy that stems from experiences of neglect, trauma or insecure attachment styles.

It drives the ‘fawn’ to constantly seek approval and adapt to fit in even if it means disregarding their own needs.

You could think of them like a chameleon that’s forever adjusting its appearance to blend in with its surroundings, always on guard for the ‘next threat.’

And while it is an effective strategy for finding a certain level of outer peace, it comes at the expense of inner contentment that comes from truly being ourselves.

In short, it’s an outward mask that betrays the needs and wounds that lie beneath the surface of the fawn. The archetypal people-pleaser.

What is the Fawn Trauma Response?

The fawn response goes beyond being overly agreeable.

It’s a state of heightened vigilance where the individual is constantly looking out for dangers and people-pleasing in order to avoid any form of conflict whatsoever.

It can lead to a feeling of constantly walking on eggshells by putting others’ emotions ahead of their own and over-functioning through the taking on of responsibility for things that aren’t their fault, which is characteristic of fawn behaviour.

This is in contrast with the physical shutdown of the freeze response or the defensiveness of fight or flight response.

Fawn Response: The Root Causes

The roots of the fawn, which, while most often caused by childhood neglect, also relate to witnessing conflicts that instil the belief safety lies only in appeasing and pleasing people.

This can also take the form of manipulation disguised as guidance, as an overbearing father may steer a young daughter to do only what he approves of, thus anchoring in the conditioned response of avoiding disapproval at all costs.

Even societal expectations relating to gender roles can sow the seeds of the fawn response, causing an individual to prioritise others needs, particularly within traditional definitions of femininity.

At the heart of all of this is a profound fear of being invalidated and thus rejected, potentially triggering old abandonment wounding from childhood.

When the emotions of the fawn are dismissed, or disregarded in such a way, the learned response is to suppress them and prioritise being in harmony with others at the expense of their own personal truth and values.

The longer this type of behaviour continues, the deeper and more entrenched the conditioning becomes, squeezing the life out of their authentic expression, divorcing them from their needs and desires.

That which makes them who they are, losing their identity one people-pleasing tendency at a time.

Fawn Response in Relationships: From Spouse to Stranger

In relationships, the “fawn” behaviour can lead to the chameleonising of needs and desires to match their partner’s at the expense of their own.

Imagine constantly being in a state of trying to anticipate your partner’s moods, doing anything necessary to avoid conflict or criticism.

While there is a certain sense of altruism and selflessness on the surface, it can actually create a great sense of distance that leaves the “fawn” feeling invisible and unheard.

This can make it extremely difficult to engage in any kind of true emotional intimacy.

The line between love and sacrifice becomes blurred, leaving both partners yearning for deeper connection, which ultimately never comes.

Understanding Triggers and Consequences of the Fawn Trauma Response

To truly understand the fawn trauma response, it requires us to understand its triggers, so we can help support those who may be exhibiting those tendencies or become more aware of our own patterns.

What Activates the Fawn Response?

For the fawn, even seemingly harmless situations can trigger the hypervigilance that sends them scrambling into “people-pleasing” mode.

Current research suggests this could be rooted in the amygdala, the brain’s threat detecting system which reacts to perceived signs of disapproval or conflict (Lee & DeYoung 2011).

Even a slightly raised voice from a partner can be enough to activate the fawn’s stress response, which mirrors findings relating to how chronic stress affects decision-making and intensifies the desire for self protection (Lupien et al., 2009).

This heightened hyper-vigilance is like a hair-pin trigger, which could be set off at the slightest disturbance and leads the fawn to be both consciously and unconsciously on the lookout for potential threats – even when in non-confrontational settings.

This is very much related to the nervous system, where all of our traumas are stored and are waiting to be activated when we have experiences that mirror those we had in childhood.

All of this bandwidth that’s being constantly taken up can lead to a sense of dissociation, which serves as a form of mental escape to shield from the overwhelm of feeling our emotional state at such a high intensity.

You could think of dissociation as the body and nervous systems fuse or trip switch, turning off the electric, so we don’t blow ourselves out.

Example: Let’s consider Sarah, who experienced profound neglect during her childhood. Now at work, one of her colleagues expresses frustration regarding her project. Instead of addressing the matter Sarah immediately feels a surge of anxiety. She starts apologising and taking on way more blame than is necessary. This hypersensitivity to conflict constantly keeps her on edge affecting both her confidence and ability to express her needs.

The Fawn Trauma Response in Action

The chameleon-like nature of the fawn can see them adapting not just within single dynamics, but also throughout many other social settings.

Within families it may be the child who intuitively meets the needs of others before acknowledging their desires prioritising harmony over satisfaction.

Research suggests that this behaviour can evolve into codependency, where one’s happiness becomes dependent on meeting others expectations (Bernstein et al., 1993).

In the workplace the fawn excels at taking on tasks without complaint, readily accepting blame to avoid criticism and downplaying their contributions to please colleagues or superiors.

Studies on workplace dynamics emphasise the impact of self sacrifice on both career advancement and personal well being (Ruotsalainen et al., 2010).

Within friendships, the fawn adjusts to accommodate the wants and needs of friends, which is both a form of seeking external validation and acceptance,

This dynamic can create significant power imbalances, leaving the fawn feeling emotionally neglected—an aspect that aligns with research on codependency, within friendships (Brown, 1986).

In relationships, the fawn’s inclination to avoid conflict may lead them to overlook clear red flags that signify the potential of abusive relationships, which can see them attracting the same dynamics of abuse they experienced in childhood.

Research on love and sacrifice brings attention to the risks of losing oneself in relationships, which can ultimately result in disconnection and a loss of identity (Acker & Davis 2010).

Unmasking the Long-Term Impact of the Fawn Trauma Response 

Erosion of self-esteem: Neglecting to take care of oneself and prioritising the needs of others can result in a decrease in self esteem.

Mental health struggles: When we constantly ignore our needs, it can lead to struggles with anxiety, depression and difficulty managing our emotions.

Shallow relationships: Focusing too much on pleasing others often results in surface level relationships that lack depth and authenticity.

Sense of invisibility: Constantly sacrificing ourselves for others can make us feel invisible and unheard despite appearing agreeable on the outside.

Boundary difficulties: Having difficulties setting and enforcing boundaries can create power dynamics and breed resentment.

Dissociation: When faced with emotions some people may dissociate as a way to cope which causes a disconnection from themselves.

Impaired decision-making: Chronic stress and hypervigilance can impair our judgement. Hinder our ability to make decisions.

Attracting unhealthy relationships: Always adapting to meet the needs of others can blur our sense of identity. What truly matters to us.

Physical health impacts: The inclination to please others often attracts individuals who take advantage of our generosity and kindness.

Physical health impacts: Neglecting our being due to chronic stress can weaken the immune system and contribute to various health problems.

Strategies for Healing and Empowerment

If you’re struggling with a fawn trauma response and relate to the information related in this blog, you should know it doesn’t define you.

It’s entirely possible to rewrite the script of behavioural responses.

Let’s explore some of the practical tools you can use to identify your triggers, express your needs, and nurture self-compassion on your journey to reclaiming true authentic self-expression.

Healing from Fawn Trauma: Tools for Recognizing Triggers

Mindfulness: Mindfulness isn’t just about meditation. It’s also about being present with your behaviours and inner narrative. Try observing your thoughts and emotions without passing judgement on them. Are you finding yourself automatically accommodating others just to avoid conflict?

Journaling: Another helpful practice is journaling. Take time to reflect on situations where you’ve noticed yourself becoming a “yes person.” What triggers that response? Could it be related to past experiences with a primary caregiver or brought on by specific words/situations?

Grounding Techniques: If you find yourself triggered, grounding strategies such as breathing, focusing on your senses or repeating a mantra can be extremely beneficial. These techniques can help interrupt the fawn response and create space for a mindful and intentional response when the conditioning of anxious people-pleasing has been activated.

From Yes-Person to No-Fear: Building Assertiveness After Fawn Trauma

Start small: Begin by expressing your preferences in basic situations that have little to no stakes. Practice saying “no” to requests that drain your energy or compromise your values.

Communicate calmly: Practise clearly expressing your needs and feelings using “I” statements to avoid blaming others. Assertiveness is just as much about respecting others as it is yourself.

Seek support: Consider joining a support group or seeking therapy from a professional who understands trauma. This could help you access resources for setting boundaries and expressing your needs more confidently.

Self-Compassion as the Superpower: Embracing Healing and Growth

Healing from fawn trauma is a journey, not a destination. It requires us to be kind to ourselves and show self-compassion. This is the next level of healing that involve taking responsibility and doing our own work, which could look like the following:

Inner child work: Connect with your inner child, the part of you that still carries the pain of neglect or abuse. Offer it gentle reassurance and validation, and let that part of you know that it is safe and they are valued.

Nurture self-care: Prioritise activities that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. Regular exercise, healthy eating, and creative pursuits can help you reconnect with your authentic self. The more you can engage in activities that nourish yourself, the more you can increase your sense of self worth.

Find inspiration: Read stories of others who have overcome fawn trauma. Their journeys can offer hope and guidance on your own path. You may find similar patterns that will help you decode what you’ve been moving through.

Remember, self-compassion is the foundation for lasting change.

By cherishing yourself and honouring your experiences, you pave the way for true empowerment and authentic living.

Fawn Response in Broader Contexts

It’s all good looking at the fawn trauma response in some of the more commonly expected settings. But how does it function and what does it look like in other areas of life that can exacerbate the condition?

The Intersection of Fawn and Fawn: Fawn Trauma Response in ADHD

For those who are dealing with the interplay between ADHD and a fawn trauma response, life can feel quite disorientating, as there is an oscillation between the two different symptom sets.

The hyperfocus of ADHD can resemble the hypervigilance of the fawn response both fixating on perceived threats albeit in different ways.

Research on executive functioning sheds light on how ADHD can impair impulse control, making the “fight” or “flight” responses of fight-flight-freeze difficult to manage.

Instead, the fawn’s inclination to appease takes centre stage, leading to a tendency for people pleasing and self-silencing as coping mechanisms amidst chaos.

This dynamic can intensify both conditions as emotional regulation difficulties are exacerbated by the fawn’s inclination to suppress emotions and ADHDs struggles with managing frustration and sensitivity to rejection.

Example: Let’s consider Michael who experiences both ADHD symptoms and tendencies towards fawning behaviour. He might miss cues due to his ADHD traits, triggering an automatic “yes” response in order to avoid conflict, even if it overwhelms his already overloaded schedule. By learning how to identify triggers and calmly communicate his needs Michael can gradually break free from this trap.

The Narcissist’s Shadow: Healing from Fawn Response to Narcissistic Abuse

When caught in the grip of narcissistic abuse, the fawn’s inclination to avoid conflict can lead to an increased sense of vulnerability due the manipulation tactics of the narcissist.

Gaslighting, emotional dismissal and subtle criticism become common occurrences, forming a pattern of abuse that fuels the fawns desire to please and silence themselves.

When a narcissist and an individual with a fawn trauma response enter into a relationship, there is a high probability of them entering in a trauma bond, which is characterised by a combination of both fear and dependency on one’s abuser.

Dr. Ramani Durvasulas work on manipulation can help in addressing some of these issues, as she focuses on the language used by narcissists to control their victims.

Remember, healing involves recognising the red flags, prioritising self compassion and establishing boundaries even if it feels excruciating to do so.

Reclaiming one’s voice and authenticity is a marathon, not a sprint.

If you need to seek support groups and other forms of therapy, know that it might take some time to fully unfurl your trauma.

Example: Sarah finds herself constantly catering to her partners needs as a fawn would do—disregarding her exhaustion and growing resentment. Engaging in therapy sessions and joining support groups can create an environment for rebuilding her self-esteem, learning communication skills and ultimately breaking free from the cycle of abuse.

From Fawn to Lion: Building Healthy Relationships

Stepping out of the shadows cast by fear and embracing the warmth of truly fulfilling relationships requires a great deal of courage.

And mastering the art of self-respect and genuine heart-felt authentic communication.

Boundaries that were once blurry and abstract at best, now stand tall. Not as immovable barriers, but as gates that serve as both the way to say yes and no free from guilt.

Saying ‘no’ becomes a declaration of power instead of a timid shrinking apology.

Actively listening to your needs and expressing them honestly transforms conversations into empowering exchanges.

Imagine if all of your relationships were like this…

Boundaries ensure space while fostering interdependence for deeper connections.

Within families open communication replaces walking on eggshells.

In the workplace collaboration takes precedence over self sacrifice, where sharing ideas and asserting one’s worth are encouraged rather than met with self effacing tendencies driven by fear.

Friendships flourish through respect with discussions and balanced emotional boundaries replacing unspoken expectations.

And in partnerships, vulnerability replaces masks worn to appease others creating room for deeper emotional intimacy and constructive conflict resolution.

Just imagine.