Dr. Becky Spelman on Sky News discussing the economy of relationships
By Private Therapy Clinic
Dr. Becky Spelman discusses the gumtree research and how much you will spend on average across various stages of the relationship cycle.
Isabel Webster: Well, we got a nice cheerful story for you now because we all know that getting married is a costly business, but new research suggest that breaking up could also break the bank. You’re in a miserable marriage but you just can’t get out of it because it’s so expensive.
Stephen Dixon: Yeah, well anyway. Being single is good. In fact, the average cost of living together and then splitting up is actually more than the average cost of a wedding, so if you don’t actually tie the knot, it’s not going to save you any money. Let’s look at the figures. Britain spends £6,382 from the first date to the wedding.
Isabel: Divorces or serious breakups in the UK cost on average £6,717 to be specific.
Stephen: So, 55% more to breakup than it is to just to walk the aisle.
Isabel: So, what are we seeing here? Let’s ask Dr Becky Spelman. She’s a behavioural psychotherapist and has all the answers because other people watching this thinking, shall I propose to my girlfriend and get married..
Stephen: No is the answer there isn’t it?
Isabel: And then people who have been thinking shall I divorce my wife? All the above is no.
Dr. Becky Spelman: It’s a complicated topic. And the research by GumTree has found that it is just so expensive. But I thought it was interesting that breakups were more expensive than getting married because the average breakup was causing people £7,000.
Stephen: So what’s involved in that cost?
Becky: Well, there are so many different aspects. So, when people move out, they have to buy all the items they need, they may have to pay the full cost of their rent, buy a new car, you know, a lot of expenses that people don’t estimate. So, people expect the relationship to cost a lot but they don’t expect that the breakup is going to cost them a fortune.
Isabel: Yes. A lot of people will have things like a joint mortgage even though they’re not married and then they’ll have to be bought out or whatever it might be. So it does, as you say, ends up costing so much. Is there anything that people can do to protect themselves? I mean, it’s not very romantic but as you are entering into a relationship to try and save yourself, it’s always like the pre-nup but without the marriage bit.
Becky: Exactly. I would say get it down in writing. If you’re ___ [00:02:06] with your partner, make that agreement when things are still positive. Because when things get bitter, how can you agree on it then?
Stephen: Yeah, but come on, you are a behavioural psychotherapist.
Becky: Psychologist.
Stephen: Oh, psychologist, okay. You’ve got to know that actually if you are thinking along those terms as you’re getting into a serious relationship, then it’s doomed from the start isn’t it?
Becky: I think you can phrase it in a positive way. Let’s get these things down in writing now before we start owning stuff together, so then we don’t have to worry about it. We can continue on the relationship and enjoy the relationship without having to worry about it coming to an end because 50% of marriages end in divorce.
Stephen: It’s that’s high now.
Isabel: That’s quite high. We are very squeamish as a society about the kind of idea of pre-nups and yet we all accept that having a will is an essential part of security.
Stephen: Yeah, but that’s because we are going to die.
Isabel: It’s inevitable, that’s true. But there is a kind of, you know, as I say, squeamishness and I wonder—
Stephen: I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t sign up a pre-nup.
Isabel: Of course not. Well, no, I wouldn’t either but I’m quite traditional and when I said my vows, I kind of meant them. But who knows what the future holds.
Becky: I think it’s good to know what you’re going to do. Don’t overspend in the relationship because that’s another thing that people are doing. Buy second hand items rather than all these new stuff, so then if the relationship doesn’t, you got 50% of a chance that it might, then at least you can sell it for the same amount.
Stephen: You see, with these talks about an average relationship cycle, now that’s quite a depressing phase isn’t it? I know that is a reality for most of us but it’s still a bit depressing.
Becky: We have to be realistic.
Isabel: What’s the cycle?
Stephen: You know, from beginning to end.
Isabel: How long is it? 7 years?
Becky: And that’s an interesting thing. The average price of a first date is £41.00, just buy them a coffee. It’s the first time you’re meeting the person, don’t over invest. You do not need to buy someone’s affection to start with.
Stephen: Now, that’s a piece of advice I thoroughly agree with Becky. Keep it cheap.
Becky: I’m glad you agree.
Stephen: Keep it cheap. That’s the way.
Isabel: Oh, that’s so depressing.
Stephen: Oh, it is a bit depressing but you have to be realistic about these things. Becky, good to see you. Thanks very much indeed… I think.
Dr. Becky Spelman on Sky News discussing the economy of relationships was last modified: February 13th, 2017 by Private Therapy Clinic
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– How to know if you might have borderline personality disorder.
– What difficulties do people with borderline personality disorder experience.
– What approaches are helpful for borderline per....
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Herjoyt Ubhi is a BABCP accredited Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapist (CBT) experienced in working with moderate to severe or complex depression, anxiety, addictions and personality disorders in NHS and here at Private Therapy Clinic. She is skills in a range of approches such as CBT, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing (EMDR).....
It’s perfectly normal to feel anxious from time to time. Most of us experience anxiety around important events, such as a job interview. So long as we only experience anxiety when we “should” it’s just one of those things we have to deal with.....
To say that travel broadens the mind is something of a truism, but is there anything in the old adage? As I’m about to leave on a month long trip to Asia, I thought I would look into the matter and report my findings back to you! And I’ve learned that, in fact, there’s a lot of evidence to suggest that sometimes a spot of travel can be just what we need.....
By Private Therapy Clinic - Do we Need to be Married to Have a Family with Someone we Love?
As anyone who reads the gossip column knows, actors Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie recently got married, despite having been a couple for years, and having a family of six children.....
Dr Becky Spelman discusses Sleep-related Rhythmic Movement Disorder with a young lady and provides her with tips on how to manage the stress which triggers the disorder.....
Private Therapy Clinics Clinical Director participates in the Ice Bucket Challenge and donates free blocks of therapy to five people affected by ASL or their families.....
Growing up with a mother who is a quiet Borderline (Borderline Waif’s) mother or mother who is has Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) can be incredibly difficult for a child as your mum will be emotionally underdeveloped. - See more at: http://theprivatetherapyclinic.co.uk/growing-up-with-an-emotionally-unavailable-mother/#sthash.WvaeJZrC.dpuf....
Dr. Becky Spelman speaks on BBC 5live’s Men’s Hour (podcast) about “Depression and Mental Health in Men.” Also speaking about their experiences of depression is former Torquay United Manager Martin Ling and Poet and Stand up Comedian Jack Rourke.....
By Private Therapy Clinic - Psychotherapy Writer. Depression may be seen as such an overused term nowadays that people do not see the real threat of it.
Psychotherapy Writer. Depression may be seen as such an overused term nowadays that people do not see the real threat of it.....
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious condition which affects both mood and interpersonal function. It is thought that genetics and the environment are factors that result in BPD; with 8 out of 10 sufferers having experienced physical, emotional or sexual abuse during childhood.....
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is used to help a person change how they think about themselves, their world and others around them. It also tries to help them notice how the things that they do can affect their thoughts and feelings. ....
The strong support for a change in reclined seat procedures makes sense, says psychologist Dr. Becky Spelman, Clinical Director at the Private Therapy Clinic in Harley Street. The effect of people reclining their seat can result in various negative emotions such as anger, stress, anxiety, frustration and upset for the passenger behind them. This emotional impact can result in a whole range of unhelpful behaviours, including air rage.....
Intensive short-term Dynamic Psycptherapy (ISTDP) aims for a permanent character transformation of psychologically-ill patients in than less 40 hours, through intense and focused therapeutic techniques. ....
The Science Behind the MusicDr Spelman’s research finds that breathing in time to music with a low bpm at a controlled and reduced pace is proven to lower heart rate and blood pressure which in turn reduces anxiety. Another established method is to listen to tracks which stimulate both sides of the brain, while using headphones and with eyes your closed. Music which is harmonious and emotive is generally regarded as the best at achieving this type of stimulation which induces Eye Movement ....
By Private Therapy Clinic - Clinical Director of Private Therapy Clinic, Psychologist & Cognitive Behavioural Therapist
You look down at the slender figure in the magazine on your bedside table, and then look back to the mirror. Your cheeks no longer look fresh and full of life, but actually… actually they look a little plump.....
We have all experienced a bad night’s sleep, tossing and turning whilst the clock seems to tick increasingly loudly. When this becomes regular or the norm, however, there is a problem that needs to be addressed.....
Dr. Becky Spelman uses a technique known as Eye Movement Desensitization & reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) to help a client get over the emotional trauma of a break up. ....
Firstly it is important for us to dispel any misconceptions there are about what Body Dismorphic Disorder is. Often people confuse BDD with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) – and yes although there are similarities (obsessive thoughts), OCD deals with more than just obsessive thoughts about physical appearance.....
Jealousy is a painful and poisonous emotion which refers to undesirable thoughts and feelings of anxiety, inadequacy and insecurity. It is activated by threats to a relationship and motivates behaviour that counters the threat.....
Binge Eating Disorder (BED) is when an individual recurrently consumes larger than normal amounts of food within a short period of time (e.g. less than 2 hours), often when not physically hungry.....
There has been an explosion of articles in the media in recent years about sex addictions and its addicts ranging from stories about famous sportsmen such as Tiger Woods or famous actors such as David Duchovney, Charlie Sheen and even Michael Douglas. Although these are examples of famous individuals, mainly men, sex addictions can affect anyone of any gender, race, age or socio-economic background.....
Think you might have a sexual problem? When should you be worried? It is generally the case that something in your sex life is not occurring the way you were expecting it to. Sexual problems can cause feelings of anxiety and a lot of distress. Let’s have a look at the most common female sexual problem. It is important to remember that there is a degree of severity in the experience of these disorders.....
Self-harm is a behaviour that involves a person harming themselves. The most common behaviour people attribute to self-harm is when people cut or scratch themselves with sharp objects. However, self-harm includes a variety of different behaviours: burning your skin, swallowing poisonous substances, or hitting yourself. Even binge drinking or being addicted to alcohol, drugs/drug overdose, or developing an eating disorder can be considered as self-harm.....
Maintaining a healthy and success relationship with a partner is never easy. Although buying expensive jewellery, taking long walks on the beach, and going to fancy dinners seem like the ideal virtues of any relationship, they might not always work for us. You may often find that those couples who seem to be to have easy going, carefree relationships, are often the ones who are suppressing a deep and intense dissatisfaction with their significant other. Experts say that a healthy, positive relat....
Anxiety is a human emotion that all people experience and despite the way it makes us feel, it one that still has an important role to play in everyday life. Anxiety does not bring about a particularly pleasant experience for any of us, but without it, our ancestors would surely not have been able to avoid danger long enough (in a world far more dangerous than it is now) to reproduce or pass on their genes to the next generation.....
At some point or another in our lives we all have or will experience some kind of stress. While most of it is short-lived and goes away either by itself or with the help and support of our immediate environment such as family, circle of friends or through recreational activities, sometimes the stress we experience becomes prolonged or chronic, reinforcing our distressed state. The experience of stress is almost a fact, but what about its source? Where does it come from? What causes us to stress?....
In this article we’ll explore male sexual problems. Think you might have one? What are they and when should you be worried? It is generally the case that something in your sex life is not occurring the way you were expecting it to. Sexual problems can cause feelings of anxiety and a lot of distress. Let’s have look at the most common male sexual problems. It is important to remember that there is a degree of severity in the experience of these disorders. No two people will experience the sam....
With a number of therapeutic interventions available, it can be difficult to figure out what is the best therapy for your particular difficulty. Research has shown that certain problems have better outcomes when treated with specific therapies. Our own individual emotional makeup will also make us feel more comfortable with certain types of interventions. Below, we will briefly review different types of therapeutic interventions and focus on problems that they have the highest success in treatin....
People with depression start to see the world from a glass is half empty perspective. They have far more negative thoughts than is realistic or helpful. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) helps tackle depression by teaching the person to question their automatic negative thoughts and inaccurate assumptions and by identifying other vicious cycles that keep the problem going such as not getting the right dose of mood boosting activities. Research has show that in order to keep our mood good, we s....
Essentially mindfulness is the act of being actively present and paying attention to yourself, and your surroundings. You may think that we do this all the time; however, with so many different things vying for our attention, this is invariably not the case. As life becomes increasingly fast paced we find that we are constantly multi-tasking; while we are at work we reply to an email whilst already thinking about that phone call we’ve got to make next, and wondering what to cook for dinner, an....
There is no doubt that life can be very stressful at times. Whether it’s a tight deadline at work, financial worries or family problems, all of us need a little bit of light relief and escapism at time.There is no doubt that life can be very stressful at times. Whether it’s a tight deadline at work, financial worries or family problems, all of us need a little bit of light relief and escapism at time.....
Shamash Alidina MEng MA is a mindfulness consultant, keynote speaker and author of international bestsellers ‘Mindfulness for Dummies’ and ‘Relaxation for Dummies’. He will be running Private Therapy Clinics at Aldgate, Euston, Liverpool St., Victoria, Old St.....
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