Could you be living a double life – as yourself? This is the daily reality for millions of autistic individuals engaged in all types of masking.

Masking themselves, their dreams and desires.

And so, how do you unmask not simply autism, but your most authentic self?

How do you become completely and unapologetically yourself in a world, which has been trying to force you into being anything but that? It’s difficult.

In early childhood, many autistic individuals begin to notice their ‘normal’ behaviours aren’t really helping them connect with their peer group.

The body language, humour, the way that they shine is forced into a shadow.

This can often lead to many becoming a proverbial social shape shifter, conditioning themselves to conform to an elusive concept of ‘normal.’

But the thing is, this manufactured identity is created out of fear.

Because we are so fundamentally wired for connection, when there is a perceived threat that we might be abandoned, behaviours can often be adjusted subconsciously to gain acceptance – in essence, to create security.

But this overcompensation comes at a cost.

The emotional toll of being in a constant state of performance causes fatigue and can lead to a general sense of apathy.

The weight of denying one’s authentic self frequently leads to autistic burnout, and identity erosion.

And so, when are the masks allowed to drop?

Quite simply, the masks drop when you have the courage to be the person that you know you are deep inside. Your deep self.

Unmasking autism isn’t about revealing a deep shame; it’s not something to be admitted or confessed. It’s something to be revealed.

Identity isn’t something that’s reserved for the masses who are wired a certain way.

Everyone is entitled to their own unique and beautiful self expression.

Why Unmasking Autism Requires Rewriting Social Contracts

There is a much deeper aspect to unmasking autism than simply reclaiming personal identity. On another level, it’s also a societal rebalancing – a reckoning.

Because suppression of any kind is unsustainable.

At some point, the dam is going to burst and there will be no way back.

For decades, autistic individuals have carried the burden of camouflaging who they really are to comply with neurotypical norms.

This unspoken dynamic lies in subtle, unspoken, social contracts which equate conformity with competence. There is a subtextual-subconscious level of seeing people act the way we do that creates a basis of trust.

But as rates of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) diagnoses rise, institutions face the question: why must neurodivergent people exhaust themselves adapting to systems never designed for them?

But in order for these contracts to be re-written, it means there needs to be a dramatic shift of power from institutions who dictate rules and mandates to the individuals who are needing to reclaim their needs and to speak up for what really works for them.

So they can step into their own version of competency on their terms.

Autism Masking vs Authentic Self

The gap that’s created between masked personas, and the real authentic self, creates what many late diagnosed autistic adults describe, “existential dissonance.”

This can be likened to an internal push and pull effect.

One part of the self, which is the innate identity, wants to be seen and heard for all that it is, whilst another more logical survival-based part simply wants to be accepted.

And so, when there are two such opposing intentions within, it creates a great amount of friction.

The survivalist tendencies drain.

Overtime, the mental checklist becomes exhausting: “Am I making enough eye contact? Is my voice too monotone? Am I talking about my interests too much?

Unlike typical social adaptation, which usually involves minor adjustments to body, language and vocabulary, masking autism requires constructing an entirely different persona.

This can be seen through:

• Pre-scripted interactions: Many autistic individuals rehearse conversations to avoid social errors
• Behaviour monitoring: Constant self-editing of voice pitch, facial expressions, and interests
• Sensory suppression: Hiding discomfort with lights/sounds to appear “normal”

The Psychological Impact of Masking

Core Challenges:

• Identity erosion: 68% report losing touch with genuine preferences after 10+ years of masking
• Relational void: 54% feel known only by their “performance self”

The Masking Paradox

Intended Outcome	Actual Result
Social acceptance	Prevents genuine intimacy (82% report loneliness despite networks)
Professional success	67% experience burnout within 18 months of employment
Emotional safety	2.5× increased suicide risk vs. non-masking autistics

High Masking Autism: Key Impacts

Misleading Appearance: High-masking autism creates a dangerous misconception of “mild” autism, when in reality, the appearance of neurotypicality comes at extraordinary psychological cost, particularly for women who develop sophisticated camouflaging from childhood.

Survival Response: These behaviours typically develop as protective adaptations to bullying, rejection, or discrimination. Children repeatedly ostracised for natural behaviours learn to suppress them, creating façades that shield against immediate social harm but accumulate significant long-term costs.

Executive Function Burden: The cognitive demands of constant masking place enormous strain on already-challenged executive function. When limited cognitive resources are diverted to the demanding task of masking, little remains for other life activities, contributing to burnout and reduced capacity.

Mental Health Correlation: Research shows direct links between masking intensity and mental health challenges. Higher masking is associated with increased anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation—unsurprising when masking requires constantly monitoring, criticising, and suppressing one’s natural self.

Unmasking Necessity: For many autistic individuals, unmasking autism becomes not merely a preference but essential for psychological survival, as the internal rejection inherent in masking mirrors and reinforces external stigma.

How to Replace Social Scripts When Unmasking Autism

First, it’s important to realise that replacing pre-rehearsed social scripts and phrases doesn’t need to involve shame. These ways of communicating were simply a way of surviving in the world which felt confusing for a long time.

These were survival tactics; not the result of any failure

You could start by auditing conversations using the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q):

1. Identify scripted exchanges (e.g., defaulting to polite laughter)
2. Note energy depletion post-interaction (linked to autistic shutdowns)
3. Substitute one script weekly with authentic responses, even if brief (“I need time to process that”).

It can be a useful exercise to reframe perceived weaknesses and strengths.

And in fact, many late-life diagnosed adults with autism, often find repurposing their script writing skills can actually help them find the beginnings of their authentic voice, and lean into intentional communication that reflects the real self..

For example, replacing ‘I’m fine’ with ‘I’m overwhelmed’ might feel like a huge leap of faith until the results of the honesty are actually felt, and it helps preserve energy and foster genuine connections.

Script Replacement Starting Points

Script Auditing:

• Identify overused phrases (“That’s amazing!”) through voice memos or chat logs
• Note which scripts drain energy (linked to autistic shutdowns)

Natural Response Experiments:

• Replace one scripted reply weekly with unfiltered reactions (“I’m unsure how to respond”)
• Track authenticity gains using person-centred marker points unique to your neurodivergence

Mirroring Repurposing:

• Redirect mimicry skills to mirror your own comfort cues (e.g., relaxed posture vs. forced eye contact)

Gradual Integration:

• Practice boundary scripts like “I communicate best with breaks” using high-functioning autism and relationships guidance
• Test unmasked interactions first in pre-assessed “safe zones” (e.g., neurodivergent meetups) before broader use.

The Hidden Costs of Over-Performing

The cost of sustained masking within autism extends beyond moments of insincerity.

Yes, there is the existential challenge of never truly being accepted for who you are – playing a supporting role in your own life.

But it can also create significant effects on physical and emotional well-being, which can then go on to have a knock-on effect within various relationship contexts.

It’s been well documented that masking intensity and frequency often aligns with significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, and even suicidal behaviours

This can also result in a lack of capacity to engage in other areas of life with the same drive and purpose as neurotypical individuals in some cases.

Due to the exhaustion that can arise from constantly needing to mask, all of the capacity that might’ve been used for more creative pursuits simply won’t be accessible.

For example, if the mental bandwidth of an autistic individual is constantly occupied with ways in which to construct social scripts, that creativity, which might have arisen mentally won’t have the space to thrive.

Emotional and Relational Impact

Identity Erosion:

• Consistent prioritisation of others’ expectations over internal needs gradually erodes self-understanding
• Many late-diagnosed adults report not knowing “who they really are” after decades of camouflaging
• This identity confusion can trigger profound existential distress and contribute to autistic shutdowns when masking becomes unsustainable

Relationship Challenges:

• Connections formed based on a performed rather than authentic self often remain shallow despite appearing socially competent
• Particularly challenging in romantic relationships, where intimacy requirements conflict with energy demands of sustained masking

How to Unmask Autistic Traits Safely

Unmasking autism doesn’t require abandoning all coping strategies and stripping yourself of all the things that have worked for you up until this point of life.

Instead, it’s more about beginning a journey of authenticity. One step at a time.

Just because you’re stepping into uncharted waters, doesn’t mean you can’t do so safely and at your own pace, and on your own terms.

As much as there has been a lot of progression within the neurodivergent movement, there will still inevitably be some discrimination within some less open-minded individuals.

This might be within the workplace, family or even trusted peer groups. The shadowy side of human nature likes to seize on differences and weaponise them.

Oftentimes believing it’s well intentioned humour. When, in actuality it has the opposite effect.

The process of unmasking autism requires each individual to ask themselves in what different environments and contexts would you feel secure enough to begin, embracing your authentic expression?

Also, be mindful that there might still be a need to maintain some masking for protection.

This gradual approach allows for experimentation with unmasking specific traits in controlled environments before expanding outward.

The process begins with a context audit:

• High-safety zones: Neurodivergent meet-ups, trusted relationships, therapy sessions
• Moderate-risk zones: Workplaces, extended family gatherings, public spaces

The Incremental Unmasking Pathway

1. Identify masking behaviours (e.g., rehearsed scripts, suppressed stims)
2. Experiment with alternatives in controlled settings
3. Evaluate emotional/physical responses post-interaction
4. Expand practices as confidence grows

Critical Considerations

Factor	Action
Readiness	Respect personal thresholds—no “correct” timeline
Support Systems	Cultivate allies using high-functioning autism relationship strategies
Setbacks	Normalise re-masking in unsafe contexts as self-preservation

Late-Diagnosed Adults: Rewriting Social Scripts

To many late-diagnosed adults, unmasking autism can be a difficult journey.

Because there may have been so many decades of conditioning, so much camouflaging built up, it can be difficult to take the leap of faith into simply being.

Acting ‘natural’ can feel like an insurmountable hurdle.

The journey of unravelling all of this conditioning begins with creating a personal behavioural audit, identifying all of the aspects of your social presentation, which feel authentic versus performed.

This could include going through several journalling processes or even devising personalised worksheets to catalogue the various scripted phrases, forced expressions, or suppressed stimming behaviours that have become automatic.

As you learn more about your individual patterning and ways of communicating, you can then use this knowledge to consciously rewrite your autistic scripts to include the things that you’ve always wanted to say, but I’ve never had the courage to.

So, rather than abandoning all of your social skills, this approach invites you to identify scripted responses that feel out of alignment and reframing them to match your unique neurodivergent communication style.

Key Unmasking Strategies

Sensory Honesty:

• Acknowledge and respond to sensory needs instead of enduring overwhelming environments
• Practical applications include wearing noise-cancelling headphones, requesting dimmer lighting, or explaining when you need to leave overwhelming situations
• Prioritises genuine comfort over appearing “normal” in sensory-challenging environments

Identity Archaeology:

• The process of exploring childhood interests, behaviours, and preferences abandoned due to social pressure
• Reconnecting with these authentic traits often feels like rediscovering lost parts of yourself
• Particularly important in dating relationships, where authentic connection requires genuine self-expression