Have you ever felt like you’re watching the world through a different lens than everyone else?

If you‘re an adult with borderline autism, it can feel like you’re both simultaneously a part of the world but also looking at it from the outside in.

There’s perhaps this subtle feeling of being just out of step with social norms, like there’s some secret language you can’t quite crack.

Unwritten rules that others seem to grasp intuitively.

A disconnect that can lead to the nagging question of, ‘why?’

Why do I not get this? Why do I feel like I don’t quite belong?

Borderline autism in adults often goes unrecognised years, which can lead to this chronic sense of not really knowing your place in the world.

Unable to truly understand the root of your challenges.

But it doesn’t need to be that way.

If you’ve suspected you might be on the autistic spectrum, but never had the courage to accept it as a possibility, here are some of the core traits you might have missed.

1. Acting as the Social Chameleon

Masking is the art of fitting in. It’s a subtle way of hiding one’s true self. The quirks and parts of character that might not be well received by others. And it’s actually one of the great tragedies of borderline autism. It’s a lack of willingness to act as your whole self. Even if that means being the proverbial black sheep in social settings, or the person who goes against the grain of populist thought and action.

Masking is a trait that’s often developed early on in childhood, and can become so normalised as a way of living – acting, and choosing – that, by the time a high functioning autistic child reaches adulthood, it can appear like they’re doing nothing wrong. This masking behaviour is particularly common in autistic women, who often develop sophisticated strategies to blend into peer groups.

However, over time, as these individuals mature, the mental effort it requires can create a sense of clenching inside, a sense of not belonging, feeling suffocated and not truly having an authentic voice.

The Masking Toolkit: Strategies and Their Impact

Strategy	Description	Potential Impact
Social Scripting	Preparing and rehearsing responses for social scenarios	Can falter in unpredictable situations, increasing anxiety
Emotional Mimicry	Imitating others’ emotional expressions	May lead to emotional exhaustion and disconnection from true feelings
Identity Suppression	Hiding or downplaying autistic traits	Can negatively affect self-esteem and authenticity
Compensatory Behaviours	Developing skills to offset perceived social deficits	Potential overcompensation, drawing unwanted attention

Did You Know?

• A 2019 study found that autistic adults who engage in masking report higher levels of stress and anxiety.
• Frequent emotional mimicry is associated with higher rates of burnout and depression in autistic adults.

Balancing Act: The Pros and Cons of Masking

Pros:

• Facilitates social integration
• Can lead to professional success
• Helps navigate neurotypical social expectations

Cons:

• Mental and emotional exhaustion
• Potential loss of authentic self
• Increased risk of anxiety and depression

2. Experiencing Sensory Sensitivities

Sensory sensitivities can be prevalent in cases of borderline autism in adults, but perhaps not quite so noticeable in people who are diagnosed with level two and level three of the condition who are extremely sensitive to light, sound and physical touch.

There’s another expression of masking, which may have been at play preventing you from seeing the root of these sensitivities for what they are. They might have excused them as a natural part of one’s character. Perhaps they may have even been made wrong by primary caregivers or teachers who didn’t understand the proper accommodations required, creating further taboo around being yourself.

It was found in one survey that between 69% and 90% of people with autism are reported to have heightened sensory experiences, whether this be through sound or touch – hyper-responsivity. This can then lead to sensory overload and needing to devise exit strategies from certain situations. These sensitivities are part of the broader neurodivergent symptoms that can affect the quality of living.

Then, on the opposite end of the spectrum, there’s hypo-responsivity, which can relate to a reduced sensitivity to sensory input. This is a lesser known aspect of sensory processing in borderline autism, which might see you actually seeking more intense sensory experiences.

This might include seeking out stronger flavours in food, such as spicy food, requiring deep, pressurised touch during physical intimacy, and perhaps desiring to listen to complex, multi layered music as opposed to more mainstream pop songs to satisfy a need for more interest and intrigue in terms of sound.

The Sensory Spectrum: From Hyper to Hypo

Sensory Response	Description	Impact
Hyper-responsivity	Heightened sensitivity to stimuli	Can lead to sensory overload in everyday situations
Hypo-responsivity	Reduced sensitivity to sensory input	May result in seeking intense sensory experiences

Navigating the Sensory Maze

1. Sensory Modulation Challenges

• Difficulty regulating reactions to sensory input
• Linked to higher levels of anxiety and depression

1. Cross-Modal Perception

• Unique sensory experiences like synesthesia
• Example: ‘Seeing’ music or ‘tasting’ colours

1. Sensory Defensiveness

• Aversive or avoidant responses to certain stimuli
• Common triggers: clothing textures, food consistencies, environmental sounds

Unique Abilities:

• Noticing subtle details
• Finding profound beauty in everyday sensory stimuli

Tips for Sensory Management

• Identify personal triggers and preferences
• Create a sensory-friendly environment at home and work
• Use sensory tools (e.g., noise-cancelling headphones, weighted blankets)
• Practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques

3. Maintaining Intense Interests

One of the key characteristics that’s often associated with autism is monotropism, which is an intense focus on a specific topic, thought pattern, or concept. This trait is the one that relates to the expression of autism which has been popularised in mainstream media.

If you’re familiar with the 1988 film Rain Man, starring Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise, Hoffman’s autistic character is portrayed as having savant-like abilities with an incredible memory and mathematical skills. During the movie, he uses these skills to win Tom Cruise’s character huge amounts of money at blackjack in a casino by counting cards.

This level of ability is relatively rare on the autistic spectrum and represents the super-genius end of the spectrum. However, there can often be an incredible drive to explore one particular topic or area of interest, to systematise, analyse and construct rule based systems relating to it. This intense focus is a key characteristic of Autism Spectrum Disorder, often manifesting in deep, specialised knowledge. These interests can relate to anything from mathematics to engineering, language, and art but also extend to other more less practical areas that qualify more as hobbies.

The Anatomy of Intense Interests

Concept	Description	Impact
Monotropism	Intense focus on a single topic or thought pattern.	Deep expertise, but difficulty shifting attention
Systemising	Drive to analyse or construct rule-based systems.	Attraction to fields like mathematics and engineering
Cognitive Perseveration	Repetitive focus on particular thoughts or topics.	Impressive knowledge depth, but social challenges

Did You Know?

• Many adults with high-functioning autism report at least one intense, all-consuming interest.
• Individuals with autism score significantly higher on measures of systemising compared to neurotypical adults.

The Spectrum of Intense Interests

1. Savant-like Skills: Exceptional abilities in specific areas.
2. Interest-Based Attention: Enhanced focus and information absorption in preferred topics.

Leveraging Intense Interests

• Educational Settings: Utilise interests to enhance learning and personal development.
• Occupational Settings: Channel interests into passionate-focused and fulfilling career paths.
• Personal Development: Engage with interests as a means of building of self-esteem.

Balancing Act: Embracing Interests While Addressing Challenges

Pros:

• Deep expertise in niche areas
• Potential for unique contributions to society
• Source of personal fulfilment and joy

Cons:

• Difficulty disengaging from topics in social situations
• Potential for narrow focus at the expense of other life areas
• Misunderstanding from others who don’t share the interest

4. Communication Quirks and Challenges

There might also be communication challenges which lead to misunderstandings in social situations. These most often include interpreting various types of language, whether it be verbal, body language or recognising social etiquette and other social cues.

Again, these challenges can also have roots in social masking, leading to the unconscious choice to learn scripts and responses to conform with societal expectations.

But the thing is, communication is incredibly subjective. It varies so greatly from person to person.

For example, humorous sarcasm is one of the communication styles which is most likely to be misinterpreted by someone with borderline autism because it veers into the realm of the abstract and the non literal.

Someone with borderline autism might interpret sarcasm as being very literal due to their neurodivergent tendencies and the way they process information.

The classic example you might relate to is someone with more severe autism symptoms believing it’s raining cats and dogs if you tell them, not realising it’s a figure of speech. This aspect of losing meaning in translation can also relate to those with high functioning autism as well.

The Communication Puzzle: Pieces That Don’t Quite Fit

Communication Aspect	Challenge for Adults with Borderline Autism	Impact
Prosodic Processing	Difficulty interpreting tone, stress, and rhythm in speech	Misinterpretation of intentions and emotions
Pragmatic Inference	Struggle with figurative language, sarcasm, and implied meanings	Misunderstanding of non-literal expressions and jokes
Conversational Turn-Taking	Longer response latencies, difficulty gauging when to speak	Perceived as awkward or disinterested by others
Paralinguistic Interpretation	Struggle to interpret facial expressions, body language, and gestures.	Misunderstandings in social relationships
Narrative Coherence	May excel at detailed accounts but struggle with organising information.	Difficulty following complex social narratives

Tips for Effective Communication

For individuals with borderline autism:

• Practice active listening techniques
• Ask for clarification when unsure about meaning
• Develop strategies for recognising and interpreting non-verbal cues

For neurotypical individuals:

• Be patient and allow extra time for processing
• Use clear, direct language and avoid ambiguity
• Provide visual supports or written instructions when possible

Did You Know?

• Adults with high-functioning autism may have strong vocabulary and grammar skills, but still struggle with non-literal language.
• Longer response times in conversation are no uncommon for autistic adults and may be misinterpreted as disinterest.

5. Altered Executive Functioning

Decision making is another key factor which underscores the difficulties of borderline autism in adults. This is often rooted in executive function and subtle differences in prefrontal cortex activity, which may diverge from what is considered to be neurotypical in certain scenarios.

This can often lead to indecisiveness and procrastination, which might lead to an inability to initiate tasks, or even a tendency towards experiencing decision paralysis, which is also seen in ADHD and sometimes present as a comorbid condition in cases of high-functioning autism. In fact, there’s a significant relationship between ADHD and ASD, with many individuals experiencing traits of both conditions.

Again, these challenges can be difficult to fully accept – and/or recognise – because they might be attributed to a personal deficiency, a lack of motivation or a lack of desire to engage with life. When, in fact, what’s really at play is a divergence in the neurological structure of the brain, which is making it difficult to engage with tasks and make choices.

The Executive Function Puzzle: Pieces That Don’t Quite Fit

Executive Function Aspect	Challenge for Adults with Borderline Autism	Impact
Task Initiation	Difficulty beginning activities without procrastination.	Missed deadlines, incomplete projects, increased stress
Cognitive Flexibility	Struggle with transitions and unexpected changes.	Difficulty switching tasks or adapting to new routines
Working Memory	Challenges with multi-step tasks and complex instructions.	Increased difficulties in daily living skills
Inhibitory Control	Impaired ability to suppress inappropriate responses or irrelevant information.	Impulsivity, difficulty filtering distractions
Goal-Directed Persistence	Can be both a strength and challenge, varying between individuals.	May impact employment success and task completion

Strategies for Improving Executive Function

For individuals with borderline autism:

• Break large tasks into smaller, manageable steps
• Use visual schedules and reminders for task initiation
• Practice mindfulness techniques to improve cognitive flexibility
• Utilise working memory aids like note-taking apps or checklists
• Create structured environments to minimise distractions

For supporters and employers:

• Provide clear, step-by-step instructions for complex tasks
• Allow extra time for transitions between activities
• Offer regular breaks to prevent cognitive overload
• Use visual aids and written instructions to support working memory
• Recognise and leverage individual strengths in goal-directed persistence

Did You Know?

• Executive function challenges in autism are often invisible, leading to misunderstandings about capabilities and effort.

6. Lack of Emotional Awareness and Regulation

The emotional experience can also present it’s own unique challenges. There might not be the same capacity for emotional intelligence, which fosters a. greater sense of connection and mutual understanding in relationships. Emotions are intangible; you can’t see or touch them. They might be felt human experiences, but to put them into words might prove difficult for some.

While neurotypical individual might find it much easier for both recognise and articulate feelings, it isn’t always as straightforward in those with borderline autism. This difficulty, in naming emotions is known as alexithymia.

Research has shown that up to 50% of adults with high functioning autism experience alexithymia to a varying degrees of intensity. It can often lead to both confusion and frustration in social situations, as it can contribute to a lot of the communication difficulties which might see the deeper meaning of conversations and exchanges getting lost in translation. This difficulty in emotional processing can sometimes lead to autistic shutdowns in adulthood, especially in overwhelming sensory situations.

The Emotional Landscape: Challenges and Complexities

Emotional Aspect	Challenge for Adults with Borderline Autism	Impact
Alexithymia	Difficulty identifying and describing emotions	Confusion and frustration in emotional experiences
Emotional Granularity	Impaired ability to distinguish between emotional states.	Overwhelming emotions and social interaction challenges
Interoception	Altered awareness of internal bodily sensations.	Heightened anxiety and emotional dysregulation
Cognitive Reappraisal	Struggle with reframing emotional situations.	Difficulty in managing emotional impact
Emotional Contagion	Heightened tendency to absorb others’ emotions.	Increased empathy but risk of emotional overwhelm

Strategies for Emotional Regulation

For individuals with borderline autism:

• Practice mindfulness techniques to enhance emotional awareness
• Use emotion-labeling exercises to improve emotional granularity
• Engage in body scan meditations to enhance interoceptive awareness
• Learn and practice cognitive reappraisal techniques
• Develop strategies to manage emotional contagion, such as setting boundaries

For supporters and therapists:

• Provide clear, structured guidance on identifying and expressing emotions
• Use visual aids to help differentiate between emotional states
• Incorporate body-based interventions to improve interoceptive awareness
• Offer cognitive reappraisal training as part of emotional regulation interventions
• Help develop strategies for managing emotional overwhelm in social situations

7. Social Relationships: Navigating Uncharted Waters

There’s no one correct way of relating because everyone presents in a different way. Social connection is subjective, which is the beauty of the human experience. Everyone has their own unique character and way of speaking, their own language, their own way of expressing themselves.

However, for someone who might be living borderline autism, this might be seen as one of life’s greatest obstacles. If there is a heavy reliance on scripting for example, being able to engage in natural, flowing social reciprocity might be incredibly difficult. When there’s a constant need to have a prepared script for what to say and how to act, it can create untold pressure to perform – social anxiety.

The theory of the mind, which is the ability to attribute mental states to others and understand their perspective, is quite frequently impaired in individuals with borderline autism. This, in turn, can lead to embarrassment and shame when conversations make as shift that person isn’t prepared for and hasn’t scripted. Again, this can lead to misunderstandings and social faux pas, making social relationships play out like an uneasy guessing game.

The Social Landscape: Challenges and Opportunities

Social Aspect	Challenge for Adults with Borderline Autism	Impact
Theory of Mind	Difficulty interpreting others’ intentions and emotions	Misunderstandings and social faux pas
Social Motivation	Desire for connections but struggle with execution	Higher rates of loneliness
Attachment Styles	More common insecure attachment patterns	Challenges in forming and maintaining close relationships
Social Reciprocity	Difficulties with turn-taking and reading social cues	Imbalanced social exchanges and relationship maintenance issues
Neurodiversity Acceptance	Emerging concept for fostering positive social experiences.	Improved self-advocacy and authentic connections

Strategies for Navigating Social Waters

For individuals with borderline autism:

• Practice social skills in safe, supportive environments
• Develop self-awareness of personal social strengths and challenges
• Seek out social groups or activities aligned with personal interests
• Learn to recognise and communicate personal boundaries and needs

For friends, family, and colleagues:

• Be patient and provide clear, direct communication
• Offer gentle feedback on social cues when appropriate
• Respect the individual’s need for alone time or breaks from social interaction
• Educate yourself about autism and neurodiversity

Did You Know?

• Adults with high-functioning autism report loneliness at higher rates than neurotypical peers, despite desiring social connections.
• Research indicates that remote work environments tailored to the needs of neurodivergent employees can lead to improved job satisfaction and workplace integration for individuals on the autism spectrum.