The 5 Simple Gestures That Will Transform Your Relationships
By Dr Becky Spelman
ever felt in spite of everything you do for your partner, they’re still on your
case, unsatisfied? According to Dr Chapman, there is a distinct reason for
that; you’re not speaking your partner’s language. More specifically, you’re
not speaking their ‘love language.’
book, the ‘The Five Love Languages,’ he outlines his theory that each of us has a
primary and secondary way we prefer our partners to show appreciation towards
us. These are: words of affirmation (compliments), acts of service, the giving
of gifts, quality time and physical touch. The reason, he says, that most
relationships breakdown, is due to the lack of understanding around the needs
of your partner.
all unique by design, physically, mentally and emotionally. So given that, it
stands to reason we wouldn’t all receive or respond to love the same. The
mistake we fall into is in believing others want to be loved in the same way we
would. This can be the case
sometimes. But when it isn’t, and there is a lack of mindfulness around serving
the other person, dysfunction arises. The relationship stutters and becomes
frayed at the seams.
a rundown of the five love languages, and how you can apply them to your own
Words of Affirmation: Do you like receiving compliments, reassurance
and validation for your efforts? If so, you’ve probably found all it takes are
a few choice words to curry favour and get into your good books. Compliments go
a long way, but only if they’re sincere, and match with the dynamic and tone of
Quality Time: This is actually one need masquerading as
another. Quality time really refers to attention – your undivided attention. If
this is your partners love language, you’ll have probably heard them say more
than once, ‘I just want it to be the two of us.’ This is the classic signal
that says, ‘what I really value is you and being able to connect without
interference.’ Cancelled plans or the failure to listen are especially hurtful
to this type.
Receiving Gifts: We all like to receive gifts, but this type of
person loves to receive gifts above
all else, and not because they’re materialistic, but because it shows you’ve
gone to the time and effort to think about what they like. The underlying
tenant of this love language isn’t the gift itself, but the thoughtfulness
attached, or the ‘sponsoring thought.’ It shows you understand your partner.
It’s not about the cost or the gift; it’s the thought that counts.
Acts of Service: Anything that eases the burden of
responsibility is the driving force of this love
language. Again, it is rooted in thoughtfulness. For instance, recognising that
your partner might be struggling with their chores because they’re working
irregular hours. So on your day off while they’re out, you make sure everything
is taken care of when they arrive home. Not only that, but you also prepare a
meal, knowing how exhausted they are after work. If this is your partner’s
language, broken commitments and laziness can be interpreted as a lack of love.
Physical Touch: This isn’t to be confused with just having
sex. Physical touch can be anything from holding hands, cuddling, kissing to a
simple hand on the shoulder moment. If physical presence is important to your
partner, then being away from them for long periods could be very challenging.
Any form of infidelity would also be especially hard for them to take, and
possibly spell the end of the relationship.
*** If you experiencing relationship difficulties and feel as though you’ve hit a roadblock, one of specialists would be happy to provide you with a free 15 minute consultation .
The 5 Simple Gestures That Will Transform Your Relationships was last modified: April 16th, 2019 by Dr Becky Spelman
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