Limerence

Limerence is not an official diagnostic classification in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual VI (DSM-VI). However, here are some of the common symptoms:

• Intense feelings of attraction and infatuation toward someone
• A strong desire to be near the person and spend as much time with them as possible
• Constant rumination about the person
• Euphoria and a sense of excitement when thinking about or being near the person
• Anxiety and uncertainty about the relationship, leading to a fear of rejection or abandonment
• A strong need for reassurance and validation to ensure their love is reciprocated
• Difficulty functioning in daily life due to the intensity of the feelings and intrusive thoughts about the person
• Emphasizing the positive qualities about the person, minimising or totally ignoring the negative

Limerence bears some resemblance to some other presentations. Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is characterized by obsessive thoughts and compulsions that an individual feels driven to perform. Limerence is often linked to OCD, as both are driven by uncertainty, and involve repetitive thoughts and behaviours that can be difficult to resist. For example, if a person is unsure if the relationship will progress, this can lead to a need for reassurance, leading to behaviours such as checking in with the person or mentally replaying previous events to determine whether this affection is reciprocated. These behaviours can be similar to those seen in OCD, such as excessive hand-washing to ensure no disease has been contracted and mentally reviewing memories. Comparingly to OCD, not all rituals will be visible, and it is likely that many of the compulsions of limerence are covert; meaning they are performed mentally, rather than physically.

Limerence and addiction are similar in that they both involve a strong, obsessive craving for something or someone that can interfere with a person’s ability to function normally. They both become increasingly focused on gaining access to the limerent object or substance and devote more and more time and energy to this pursuit.

However, key differences lie in the fact that addiction can produce symptoms such as withdrawal, tolerance, and physical dependency, while limerence does not typically involve any physical symptoms. Additionally, the typical goal of addiction is to use an object (e.g. substance) to achieve an altered state as a coping mechanism, whilst the goal of limerence is to achieve emotional reciprocation from another person.

The exact cause of limerence is not fully understood, and we do not have any aetiological research to explain it. However, it is likely that there are multiple factors that can contribute its development.

One possible neurobiological factor could be dopamine. Dopamine is involved in motivation, reward, and pleasure, and may play a role in the intense feelings of attraction and longing that are associated with limerence. Certain genes (which are currently unknown) may also make a person more susceptible to limerence, perhaps those linked to intolerance of uncertainty.

If we are to speculate, perhaps one’s attachment style can play a big part in the development of limerence. An anxious attachment pattern is characterized by a fear of abandonment and a need for constant reassurance and emotional connection with others. People with anxious attachment patterns often worry about their relationships and may have trouble feeling secure in their connections with others.

People with anxious attachment patterns tend to have an intense fear of rejection, and abandonment, and a strong desire for closeness in their relationships. They often crave intense emotional connections, however simultaneously, they may struggle with feelings of insecurity and whether their love is reciprocated by their partner. Many of these experiences also overlap with the symptoms of limerence.

As limerence is not an official diagnostic category, there are no official guidelines for its treatment and management. However, based on its symptoms and similarity to OCD, exposure and response prevention (ERP) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) seem to be plausible, evidence-based treatment options.

ERP helps individuals overcome disorders (like OCD) by exposing them to feared situations. Individuals must then resist the urge to engage in compulsions. For example, in the context of limerence, the feared situation might involve imagining being separated from or rejected by the limerant object. The compulsion to be resisted would be the urge to reassure oneself, either by checking with the person or by rumination.

CBT aims to help individuals identify and change negative or unhealthy thoughts and behaviours. It is based on the idea that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are interconnected, and that by changing the way we think and act, we can improve our emotional well-being. In limerence, we can target feelings of shame, idealized beliefs about the person/relationship, and other unhelpful thinking styles to construct more balanced perspectives.

Saying all this, limerence is a relatively novel concept and more research is required to fully understand its mechanisms and develop evidence-based treatment protocols. Your therapist will be able to conduct a thorough assessment to determine and deliver the most appropriate intervention.

If you would like to talk to someone about limerence, both online or in London, please get in touch with the Private Therapy Clinic on Whatsapp message at: +447511116565 email, chat bot or book online to arrange an appointment.

Franken, I. H., Booij, J., & van den Brink, W. (2005). The role of dopamine in human addiction: From reward to motivated attention. European Journal of Pharmacology, 526(1-3), 199-206. Link

Simpson, J. A., & Steven Rholes, W. (2017). Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships. Current opinion in psychology, 13, 19–24. Link

Wakin, A. H., & Vo, D. B. (2008). Love-variant: The Wakin-Vo IDR model of limerence.