A Tendency Towards Wanting to Rescue Others
One of the main facets that define a codependent relationship is the drive to serve others in a manner of “fixing” them. It often involves the overstepping of personal boundaries and is done to demonstrate value to that person to ‘strengthen’ your relationship.
A Lack of Your Own Proper Boundaries
Someone in a codependent relationship is always fearful of the status and health of their relationship. This leads to the willingness to either regularly agree with requests that are not in their best interest, or else offer themselves – and their time – at the expense of something they would rather do themselves.
A Fear of Abandonment
Individuals with codependency believe that their relationship could end at any time, which makes the thought of abandonment a very real fear. This often feeds into increased behaviours that seek to make up for the perceived shortfalls in their character. Over time, these overcompensating behaviours lead to the further dissolution of boundaries.
Difficulty in Identifying Your Own Needs
In being so preoccupied with what they feel they should be doing for others, it can be very hard for these individuals to recognise and respond to their own needs. This weighting of responsibility towards their partner makes it difficult for them to become aware of their own emotions and provide themselves with appropriate levels of self-care.
The Need for Control
As the fear of abandonment is so strong, the need to control the outcome of all interactions is one that informs much of their intent. The hope is that by avoiding any form of conflict, their relationship will remain on a sure footing, and thus their ‘value’ to the other person will be maintained.
Experiencing Difficulty in Making your Own Decisions
Because of the tendency towards putting other’s needs before their own, the individual will often experience bouts of extreme indecisiveness. As their main priority is the appeasement of others, their decision-making process can become impaired, which can make any independent action increasing difficult, and further entrench them in co-dependency.
Low Self-Esteem
The feeling of not being enough or worthy of someone’s time is often prevalent within individuals in codependent relationships. This can manifest as a lack of confidence in their relationship and is one of the fundamental character traits that inform other associated behaviours. The low sense of self-esteem will leave the person believing they’re going to make mistakes in the relationship, and be thus be in continuous need of approval.
