Relationship Issues

by Dr Becky Spelman on August 27, 2024

Common Difficulties in Relationships

1.Not Listening to What’s Being Said
We’ve all had those moments where we’ve checked out of a conversations, but if you make it a regular habit of not being present with your partner, you’ll not only be out of touch with what’s being shared, you’ll also never truly be in touch with their needs. This can often lead to resentment, which often leads to animosity or breakups.2.Reacting Instead of Responding
When you’ve been emotionally triggered or you’ve found yourself in a confrontation, it can be hard to hold your tongue. When you allow yourself to react instead of responding, it only serves to escalate the situation. It creates a back and forth until you’re so far from discussing anything that’s even remotely related, it simply become a shouting match to decide who will win with the force of personality.

3.Trying to “Win the Discussion”
If you have the need to always be right, it can become mentally exhausting for your partner. When you’re always making corrections and calling them out on things they’ve said, it might not always lead to arguments, however, if left unchecked over time, it will suck all the joy out of your relationship.

4.Viewing Vulnerability as a Sign of Weakness
Being vulnerable isn’t about garnering sympathy, it’s about being honest with yourself and where you’re at emotionally. Sometimes, things just aren’t great and being able to admit that can not only be a huge weight off your shoulders, it can also show your partner you trust them enough to hold you in that state. Being vulnerable is an exercise in trust, which also demonstrates to your partner they can also open up to you in the same way.

5.Making Demands and Giving Ultimatums
Making demands and giving ultimatums creates a power dynamic in which one side has all of the negotiating power. You can often see this occur in abusive relationships in which one half will try and control the other.

6.Automatically Assuming a Defensive Position
If you’re in a situation where you’re backed into a proverbial corner, who could blame someone for being defensive? In reality, it doesn’t always take a suppressive personality to bring out this type of behaviour. You can be so attached to your version of events or your truth, that you unknowingly create an ideology around those beliefs. Whenever these beliefs are challenged, you’ll defend them at all costs. Being rooted in this defensive position can see even the most basic of conversations quickly escalate into arguments.

7.Using Passive-Aggressive Tactics
If you’re withholding your feelings from your partner, either because you don’t like confrontation or feel intimidated, and then go on to make subtle barbed comments about the issue you were contending after the fact, it creates a real air of animosity. This can and usually does come to head with full-scale arguments where the passive aggressor lets off all the steam they’ve been building up over days, weeks, or months. The fix for this is both easy to relate, but unfortunately difficult to execute for some.

8.Withdrawing From the Conversation and Shutting Down
You’re essentially holding out and waiting for your partner to crack. In some instances, if the two people involved are stubborn enough, it can lead to long drawn silences that can go on for days and even weeks, which turns into a slow, uneasy truce in which nothing is truly resolved and the seeds of resentment are sown for a future confrontation.

9.Jealousy
Jealousy is a painful and poisonous emotion which refers to undesirable thoughts and feelings of anxiety, inadequacy and insecurity. It is activated by threats to a relationship and motivates behaviour that counters the threat. As humans, we have specially designed cognitive mechanisms which have evolved and aim at solving adaptive problems i.e. forming a romantic, sexual relationship with another person and specifically, protecting our partners from potential rivals before jealousy begins to occur.

10.Feeling Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
Intimate relationships with the ones we love are all about compromise. However, if you feel like you have to ask your partner for permission before doing anything, or that any decision you take is liable to lead to a blazing row or to feel bad, there is a big problem in the relationship. People often use the term “walking on eggshells” to describe the feeling of having to tiptoe around their partner, trying to ask things the “right” way, and feeling a sense of panic on a regular basis, in case they flare up and get angry in response to a simple question.
The Need for Commitment and Trust

Commitment is of high importance within a relationship. If one partner is more committed than the other, this may lead to issues that could expand into larger problems. If you believe that you’re paying more attention to your partner in the form of making all the contact first, paying for dates and even showing more affection, you must communicate with your partner and explain that your needs are not being met. Being honest with them will benefit your relationship as changes can be made earlier rather than leaving it until the point where you find it difficult to talk to them.

Trust is another key component in a relationship. Being able to trust your partner means that you can be honest with them about personal issues, as well as your insecurities and every day problems that may arise. For example, if your last relationship ended due to your partner cheating on you, you may feel that the same thing will happen to you again in this relationship. This is why it is important to engage in deep conversation with your partner and bring all of your issues to the surface.
What about Emotional Abuse?

Emotional abuse is one of the most dangerous forms of abuse and can occur in many romantic relationships. Unlike physical confrontations, it leaves no visible mark on the body, but it is something that we all have the capacity to engage with and even feel justified in doing if we feel we’ve been wronged.

The effects of emotional abuse can be quite debilitating, resulting in the loss of confidence, self-esteem and any perspective that might otherwise help them see that they are, in fact, being abused. This is due to the manner in which the abuse is given.

However, when it comes to the emotional harm we’re subjected to, it can and often is delivered in a more subliminal fashion. If either a partner, friend, colleague or family member are judging you in a way that unfairly questions your character, the tendency can be to blame yourself for your own shorting-comings. It can be easy to fall into a mode of self-critique that in turn, shapes your personality going forward. In short, physical abuse damages the skin, but emotional abuse gets under your skin because it’s so often delivered by people close to you and who’s the opinion you value.
What Does Emotional Abuse Look Like in a Relationship?
Control
- Issuing demands and making the other person feel obligated to follow them.
- Assuming all control of joint decisions.
- Intruding on privacy by monitoring your partner’s location.
- Expecting immediate responses to calls and texts.
- Taking control of all financial decisions that would otherwise be jointly made.
- The raising of your voice towards the other person to assert control.
- Manipulation the other through the use of known fears.
Shame
- Lecturing the opposite person about their conduct in a way that asserts a sense of superiority.
- Displaying a huge showing of anger in order to shame the person for not following orders.
- An abusive person may lie to their partner about the opinions of their friends to manipulate them.
- The abuser may ‘walkout,’ to demonstrate how out of line the other person is in their thinking. Another form of subtle manipulation.
Blame
- Jealousy may be used to keep the other person in line by blaming them for things they haven’t done.
- The abuser may ‘gaslight’ their victim by blaming them for the very things they are doing themselves to their partner.
- The abuser may try to convince their partner that they themselves have said or done something they have no memory of.
Humiliation
- Overt verbal abuse and name-calling is one of the most common forms of humiliation.
- Verbal abuse may also be disguised as sarcasm as a means to justify continuing to make harmful remarks.
- Derogatory nicknames that are passed off as ‘cute’ can also source of verbal abuse.
- The abuser may ridicule their partner for attempting anything new that will see them lose control.
Can Therapy Help?

Every relationship experiences difficulties at some point, but when these challenges start to impact on the wellbeing of the people involved, professional support can help. Relationship therapy can help both partners understand the emotions of the other and improve communication, further enhancing the closeness and quality of the relationship.

It can also provide support when there are underlying issues that are having an impact. Some of the most common difficulties that couples seek help for are infidelity and jealousy, which both can be hugely destructive within a relationship but they don’t have to mean breaking up. Our experienced, professional therapists can guide you through strategies, processes, and couple sessions to help address relationship difficulties and get you back on track. We work with both people in the relationship to address any underlying issues that are having an impact, allowing the relationship to develop and improve.
What Professional Support Is Available For Relationship Difficulties?

Art Therapies
Our relationship difficulties therapy initially starts with an assessment, allowing our professionals to understand your problems and gain an insight into how best to provide the support that you need. We offer two kinds of approaches, ones that is structured, using cognitive behavioural therapy, and one that is less structured, such as psychodynamic and systemic therapy, giving us the flexibility to choose the one that best suits you and the challenges you’re facing as a couple. Our experienced, professional therapists can guide you through strategies, processes, and couple sessions to help address relationship difficulties and get you back on track.To find out more about therapy for relationship issues see our couples therapy page here.
How Can I Get Therapy For Relationship Issues In London?

If you would like to talk to someone about therapy for relationship issues in London, please get in touch with the Private Therapy Clinic on Whatsapp message at: +447511116565 email, chat bot or book online to arrange an appointment.
References

Health Line. (2018). How to Recognize the Signs of Mental and Emotional Abuse. Retrieved on 16th September, 2019 from Link

Psychology Today. (26th Aug 2008). Effects of Emotional Abuse: It Hurts When I Love. Retrieved on 16th September, 2019 from, Link

Psychology Today. (8th Aug 2018). When Is It Emotional Abuse? Retrieved on 16th September, 2019 from, Link

Very Well Mind. (26thJul 2019). How to Identify And Cope With Emotional Abuse. Retrieved on 16th September, 2019 from, Link

Medical News Today. (18thJul 2019). What Are the Signs of Emotional Abuse? Retrieved on 16th September, 2019 from, Link

Psychology Today (24th Oct 2019) Problematic Styles of Communication in Relationships. Retrieved on 26th January 2022 from, Link

Healthline (29th Oct 2019) Talk It Out: Communication 101 for Couples. Retrieved on 26th January 2022 from, Link

Very Well Mind (1st Nov 2021) Reasons Why Relationships Fail. Retrieved on 26th January 2022 from, Link