We are now seeing face to face client again using masks and hand sanitiser to protect clients from Covid while visiting our clinics. We also offer video call sessions.
Monday, 28 Sep 2020

Steps to recovering from co-dependency

By Agata Podstepska
Steps to Recovering from Co-dependency | Private Therapy Clinic

Being co-dependent can often feel like a constant cycle of people pleasing and feeling responsible for everything and everyone around you. Although it may be difficult to battle this at first, breaking this cycle can be a big step into finding yourself and finally being able to attend to your own personal needs and start recovering from co-dependency.

Explore your co-dependency 

Recovering from co-dependency will start by being honest with yourself and exploring how your co-dependency affects your life. This is key to figuring out how to turn away from your bad habits. Try to be more conscious of your feelings around other people and how they determine your actions.

Co-dependency may look like:

  • Feeling responsible for other’s emotions
  • Not trusting your own judgement and poor decision making
  • Fear of abandonment and rejection
  • Difficulty communicating your thoughts
  • Struggling to identify and communicate your needs

When identifying these traits, it’s important to be completely non-judgement towards yourself and reassure yourself that your co-dependency does not define you. Blaming yourself may be your initial instinct but you need to treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would provide for other people.

Manage your own needs

Seeing others as an extension of yourself and not being able to prioritise yourself can be detrimental for your mental health. Reflect on both your physical and emotional needs, and how you may feel they are not being met. This can often be uncomfortable as it is not in a co-dependent’s nature to be in tune with their own feelings. By working through these uncomfortable emotions, you can learn more about yourself and develop a stronger sense of self

You may need to start by meeting your basic physical needs, for example by exercising, eating healthy and maintaining a sleeping pattern, and then move onto more difficult inner work like determining your core values in relationships and how people around you make you feel. Regardless of what it is, take things at your own pace and don’t put too much pressure on yourself!

Set boundaries

Understanding boundaries with others can often be difficult if you don’t trust yourself or feel responsible for maintaining people’s happiness. This is why exploring your co-dependency is an important step, it allows you to identify when you are investing too much energy in someone else – which is exactly when a boundary needs to be set!

To ease yourself into this, remind yourself that you have the right to prioritise your needs and no matter how the other person responds, you are still doing the right thing. Boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships and you should not feel guilty or selfish.

Try to be respectful of the other person’s needs and validate their feelings but also be very clear of what your expectations are. Explaining yourself as simply as possible can help the other person understand why you are setting the boundary.

Recovering from co-dependency will be more than analysing your relationship with others, but more importantly your relationship with yourself. It may be difficult at first, but you will establish a much better relationship with yourself over time and start to realise that your happiness should always be a priority!

References:

Psych Central. (8 Oct 2018) 10 Ways to Build and Preserve Better Boundaries. Retrieved on 22nd June 2020 from, https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries/

WebMD. (7 Aug 2014) Are You in a Co-dependent Relationship? Retrieved on 22nd June 2020 from, https://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/signs-of-a-codependent-relationship#1

  • General
  • Relationships
  • Self-Esteem
24 Sep 2020

Contemplating Assisted Suicide – What are the Issues?

The terms “assisted suicide” and “voluntary euthanasia” refer to the act of helping someone to kill themselves, generally in the context of choosing a managed death over a prolonged battle with terminal illness.....

20 Sep 2020

Why You May Struggle Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are an essential part of everyday life whether that’s with your partner, family, friends, colleagues or even yourself. They reflect your personal values and can look different for everyone, but their main purpose is to ensure you feel safe and comfortable in these relationships and prevent conflict, burn-out or disrespect.....

15 Sep 2020

How to stop social media in affecting your mental health

Social media can inflict a range of emotions on everyone and can often be a negative trigger, putting a strain on your mental health. What you see on the internet only reflects a small part of reality or may even be completely false and can influence your perception of real life.....

12 Sep 2020

How to Support Someone with Autism

There’s a saying within the care industry, ‘if you’ve met someone with autism, then you’ve met one person with autism.’ There is no textbook example you can point to; no exact process to provide support. But there are some general strategies that can help.....

11 Sep 2020

Situational Depression vs Clinical Depression: What’s the Difference?

Depression isn't a universal condition. It comes in many different variants, and there are actually ten types of depression which are commonly offered as a diagnosis. Two of the most prevalent of these are situational and clinical depression. They're similar to one another in the way they present but have very different causes, and so each requires a specific approach in terms of treatment.....

11 Sep 2020

Coping Psychologically with Cancer and Cancer Treatment

Cancer is a frightening illness, and the psychological effects of diagnosis and treatment can persist long after treatment has ceased.....

10 Sep 2020

Overcoming Traumatic Stress: The Four Places of Safety

Traumatic stress occurs in response to extraordinary events such as natural disasters, involvement in vehicle crashes, violent crime and terrorist attacks. The toll that this type of stress takes on the body can be overwhelming.....

10 Sep 2020

Why Are Borderlines Attracted to Narcissists?

It’s sometimes common to think people with Borderline Personality Disorder (BDD), or Narcissistic Personality Disorder are suffering from the same condition. However, while it’s true there are some overlaps, they are in fact entirely separate clinical conditions. You could think of them as being different rooms of the same house; interlinked, but each operating as it’s own space.....

08 Sep 2020

Why are People Often Afraid of New Technologies like 5G?

Throughout the history of humanity, there have always been many people whose first response to any new technologies is fear and anxiety. Partly, this is just a fear of the unknown; we are creatures of habit, and we depend to a great extent on heuristics, or the simple strategies that we develop that form the basis of quick decision-making.....

05 Sep 2020

8 Clear Signs of Passive-Aggressive Behaviour

Passive-aggressive behaviour involves being indirectly aggressive towards someone. In contrast to verbal and physical abuse, which is overtly violent, passive-aggressive tendencies fly under the radar. They're subtle and tend to cause a slow-burning escalation and tension that reach a blow-off point before the cycle resets itself and starts again. These behaviours are some of the most damaging to relationships, as the mental and emotional scarring they leave is hidden from view and even normalis....

01 Sep 2020

Does Polyamory Lead to Better Relationships?

Consensual non-monogamy – or polyamory as it's more commonly referred to in the mainstream - is gaining more traction as an accepted relationship model. It's existed for quite some time on the fringes of society within more liberal communities.....